FLASH BACK

This is the time when I look back at the past year, soak in the lessons I have been lucky to participate in and thank God over and over again for blessing me with everything. I may have not enjoyed the entire 365 days I have been given, but not everything is meant to be enjoyed. There are meant to be some tears and some difficult times. Life is meant to be interesting that way and boy do I enjoy it.

I'm not going to say 'Go away!' to those who have hurt me or pushed me back for something I may have done. Because I am better than that, sure, I will dwell, but only to see whether I understand why that was the case. It saddens me more when these things happen, only because, how can you expect someone to learn from something when it hasn't really been hinted or explained? Yet you scoff at them and claim they indeed haven't learned. You obviously haven't learned either since you're still dwelling on it.

Let's move forward to something great and not sit up on a high horse. Cause in the end, no one will be laughing with you, they'll be laughing at you.

OLA 2011!

     HAPPPY NEW YEAR I ended up making some couple of promises while waiting for year 2011 to come. 

• Study hard. No, make that harder.
• Read ahead of time.
• Listen attentively. Do not pretend to be listening.
• I should not have any make-up duties.
• Participate in class discussions.
• Blog even when busy.
• STOP procrastinating.
• Bring my digicam for  the spur-of-the-moment scenes with my blockmates.
• Do what our professor assigned us to write. Right away.
• Pray more.
• STILL, gain weight.
• Sleep early.
• Spend less time in the cyber world.
• Save some money. :D

     Just thinking about what I'll be doing for four whole hours in school makes my mind sore. Like seriously. So tonight, "WE'RE GONNA PARTY LIKE, LIKE IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD. WE'RE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT'S 2012. TURN IT UP, TURN IT UP, MASH IT UP, IT AIN'T THE END OF THE WORLD!!" =)))

Christmas Gifts :)

 A cute puppy stuffed toy with a dog frame and a cool Christmas card given by my Super Friend, Jobelle Ponce

Nice dog puzzle from Daddy Kyle

 

Yellow thumbler from Tatay Jom.  Lahat kami na anak niya sa COC nakareceive ng thumbler from him. How thoughtful. I dunno the significance of its color. LOL.

 A book of my favorite author Mitch Albom from Mommy Tine. :))

This one is also from Tatay Jom, early Christmas gift.

 An inspiring daily Bible reflection from Mommy Rets.

 Cross key chain also from Tatay Jom

Bracelet given by someone

 Cross rosary given by Mommy Tine

Cellphone strap from my Baby Owek

 Another cellphone strap from Jomar

Simple planner and a wallet also given by Jomar

Shoulder bag from Ate Margeoux

Cute wallet from Marlo's Mom

SEIZE THE MOMENT.

"Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore." 

     I was afraid of taking risks because I don't like the feeling of rejection. But when I woke up this morning, I realized I missed a lot of things for I have let many opportunities pass. What if I've let go off the things that are meant to help me reach my full potential? So yeah, we should not be afraid of taking chances. Jump off the edge even if we never know if there's solid ground below. Even if there is no hand to hold or ropes to walk through. It's better to try then feel the rejection, the failure and the pain afterwards, but at least we tried. That's better than saying, "What could have been if I tried?", right?

    Taking chances is about overcoming our fears because the truth is everytime we take a big risk in our life, no matter how it ends up, we always learn from it. Life is short. We should step out of our comfort zones. Seize the moment. Take risks. Live carefree. Take responsibility of our actions.

MALABO. MAHIRAP ISPELENGIN. HINDI MO ALAM KUNG ANONG GUSTONG SABIHIN.

10 SIMPLE THINGS YOU MAY WANT TO CONSIDER

You will only know what a person really is by the way he faces criticisms hurled at him. A person who gracefully accepts criticisms and learns from it is more intelligent and worth respecting than those who never wants to hear their faults pointed out.

Fact one: You cannot mold people in your hands. You may influence them but you can never force them to fit in a molder that doesn't fit them.

Fact two: A person's behavior is influenced by his upbringing, his environment, his emotions, experiences and state of mind (and that's about less than half of all the things that could affect behavior). The way you act and react speaks a lot of the kind of breeding you have. You cannot expect a person to react the way you would react in a situation because the factors that affects you does not necessarily affect them.

Fact three: You cannot judge a person based on one incident for reasons stated above.

Fact four: Each individual deals with their problems in their own different way. Don't expect them to behave like you do.

Fact five: You cannot expect understanding and respect from people you don't try to understand and respect.

Fact six: Action speaks louder than words.

Fact seven: Its always irritating and hurtful to hear the truth but sometimes, you just haveto deal with the harshness of life.

Fact eight: It will only hurt if it hits.

Fact nine: A tiny crack can break even the strongest shield.
Fact 10: There is such a thing as GROW UP.

Journalism is never about us. It’s all about the responsibility to others, first.

 

 

GIANT CHRISTMAS TREE AT GATEWAY CUBAO

15 DAYS TO GO, IT'S CHRISTMAS! 

 Wee! My first autograph to Mr. Michael "Xiao" Chua

 I just bought this cool Planner, not for my own sake but for the sake of the students who will benefit. :))

 Nice Shot with Sir Xiao. Proud FILIPINO!

 According to him, this is the first time he sign the planner. Yea.

 Glimpse with the Planner :D

 

I call it FRIENDS

MY FRIENDS ARE COOLER THAN YOUR FRIENDS! :DD

Note: There will be more photos as soon as I revived my plug-ins. Please bear with this.

I just realized

Life becomes tougher as we grow older. Nobody really gets used to life. The moment you start thinking you had it figured out it slaps you hard in the face and turns your world upside down.

RESURRECTION

What else could it be?
I need to make an effort and resurrect this blog to the way it was---or I'll never survive the coming days.

It's been a long while since I last shared my thoughts here. To be honest, I don't even know if it matters. I don't even know if I make any sense.

There are a lot of things in my mind but I am having a hard time looking for the exact words to write. Whatever grammatical knowledge I had before is gone. Whatever I had learned in all my writing classes are gone as well.

I need to write again. I need to learn to express again.
I resurrect this blog for the sake of resurrecting whatever it was I had before.

Special thanks to Ms. Claire Duque for inspiring me lately.

INSANITY

Sometimes I get scared for no reason at all. Sometimes, I get paranoid about things and people. Sometimes I am just not myself.
Sometimes I don't even know myself and why I do what I do.

There are times when I find myself full of confidence, optimistic, brimming with ideas, ready to conquer the world. Then there are also those times when I would suddenly find myself alone in a crowd, unsure of myself, unsure of what I can do, unsure of what I know, feeling stupid, and can't find the strength to trust myself.
In times like this I find myself close to tears unconsciously held together by my foolish belief that crying will do me no good.

At least twice a week I find myself depressed and questioning a lot of things. Pathetic.
I often have to force myself to smile, to live. I often find myself shedding tears at night protected by darkness.
Sometimes, I also wake up crying.

Of course, there are also times when I don't know myself at all. I'm as happy as a bee, hyper-active, bursting with energy. Sometimes I find myself laughing at things, at a lot of things. Oftentimes I laugh with the people around me, joke with them, have fun with them. But every time I do so, I find myself asking if it was really me laughing with all those people or if I really felt happy inside. Crazy.

There are times when I feel brave and reckless and there are also times when I feel vulnerable and weak. And in whenever I find myself getting weak and fearful I force myself to pretend that I am strong and that I could defend myself from anything and everything. I have to, there is nobody else in this world who will do it.

There are times when I question the intentions of the people around. There are times when I question their integrity. There are times when I find myself suspecting that they never really treated me as a friend and that I am nothing to them. There are times when I get hurt because the people around me are taking me for granted, treating me like I don't exist at all. Outright cruelty is more preferable than silent treatments and cold shoulders.

At times I hate the people around me. At times I dread the day that I would have to leave them and never see them again. I love them and hate them at the same time.

Once I asked myself, "who among the people around me are truly my friends and who among them could say that I was ever close to them?" To tell the truth,I don't think I was ever close to anybody. I never share to them my problems, I never share the things that really bothers me or the things that really makes me happy. Trivial things that could give them a more thorough understanding of what and who I am. Trivial things that are more important than the bits and pieces I had shared with them all these years. They see in me the things I want them to see and I keep from them the most important parts of life.

Long ago I promised that I will again take the risk and welcome friendship in my life. I did take the risk but I have never really been as I was before.
I don't think I could ever share to anybody the most important parts of me because if I do so I would become too attached to them, expecting loyalty and honesty and be betrayed again.

Don't get me wrong though. I am honest to the people around me. What they see in me is still the real me--but not the 100% real me.
There was a time (sometime this summer) when I felt so down and so depressed that I wanted to cry so much. I was so down that I was prepared to cry in front of anybody---or so I thought. I came in the office and found myself unable to express my feelings to the people who cares. I wanted to cry so much but my mind unconsciously suppressed my feelings again.

For the many years that I had been with these people I was so dismayed with myself to know that I still can't find the strength to share my life to them. I am so dismayed that I still can't find the courage to cry on the shoulders of people who could give me the comfort I was longing for and instead I still find myself preferring to wallow in pain, all alone and in silence.

Sometime ago I posted this in my blog, "sometimes it is easier to spill your hearts to strangers than to people you have known all your life." And I still find it true until now...and sometimes, it is even easier to tell strangers than telling your self.


--
Don't blame me for things I cannot control. I am human, just like you.

My reflection is not me

I refuse to submit to my weaknesses. I refuse to be weighed down by the things I cannot do. I refuse to be weak.

But I wonder, if I refuse to accept my weakness does that make me strong? Or is the refusal to accept these weaknesses a weakness too?

When I look in the mirror, I see a girl restrained by the things she cannot do. I see a girl whose cowering in the dark, refusing to accept the things dealt to her by fate. I see a girl whose trying hard enough to prove to the world that she's strong even when inside her she's crumbling and weak.

I refuse to accept that the girl I see in the mirror is me. We may look the same but I refuse to accept her weaknesses. I will not be weighed down by it. My weaknesses will be my strength. I will not be alone like her. I will not stand alone all my life. Her petty emotions will not hamper me.

I will not be her. I refuse to be her. She may be my reflection, but I am my own person.

I've been away for a week.
I've been sick for a week. But now I'm okay. I think.
Just barking a little but not as bad as before.

BACK OFF!

Kung away ang hanap niyo sa Blog, aba wag niyo ko hamunin. I RESPECT YOUR BLOGS, SO PLEASE DO RESPECT MINE. One more thing, pwede kang mag-comment or mag suggest, pero YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHTS TO DICTATE WHAT I WANT TO WRITE. This time, I'LL BACK OFF! :(((((

HAPPINESS from tomo-ism

Happiness is….

bouquet of flowers.

a sunset.

a heartwarming laugh.

a comfortable chair.

a baby’s smile.

a kiss under the mistletoe.

an unexpected birthday party.

a big hug.

a kiss on the cheeks.

a warm hand.

a perfect score during exam.

a tap on the shoulder.

an answered prayer.

a delicious dessert.

a nice view.

a cool splash on summer.

having the best getaway.

a touching story.

a helping hand.

the word thank you.

seeing a rainbow.

a good girl talk.

nice walk with friends.

rolling over the grass.

a nice cup of coffee.

dancing in the rain.

a loud applause.

hearing a good joke.
playing with a cute dog.
a good sleep.
pieces of pictures.
a graduation day.


 

In this fast paced world, where there is less time noticing the simple things that would make us smile, it is essential to sit and find time to appreciate even the smallest events that comes our way.  we would often work hard to satisfy our needs and luxury that we tend to forget that the things that would really make us happy are those we need not work for. let us not always be attached to what the world could give us, rather, to what life has to offer in the simplest of things. 

Go out and have fun! take pictures and paste in on your scrap book. take time to listen to the soft purr of your kitty and the wonderful sound that your little bird makes. make mistakes and learn from them. take time to search for your true self. it is not always required for us to walk on straight path.. maybe that is why detours and left turns are made. let us not force ourselves to be perfect, rather let’s strive to be the best of what we are and what we can be. Gather all the patience that you can get. learn the value of waiting for good things come to those who do. be not materialistic for material things fade and get old but true happiness makes us young forever.

For all the things i want to oppose but i can't,
simply because i just preferred not to.


NO.


For all the decisions that I shouldn't do but eventually did
and for all the decisions I did but i know I shouldn't have done.


NO.


For all the yes-es that came out my mouth but I regretted,
because I meant to say no but I didn't have the courage to.


NO.


For all the bad feeling that I felt but I was the one to blame.


NO.


For all the haters and discouragements.


NO.


For all the things that I wanted to do but I cant. 
For all the feelings that i longed to feel.
For all the words I wanted to say.
For all the curses I wanted to burst out.
For all the sorrows I wanted to let out.
For all the disappointments, tears, failures and hindrances.


NO.


It's time for me to let you all go. 


Hello moving forward. Hello happiness. Hello success. ☺

10 THINGS YOU'LL HATE ABOUT ME

1.) I AM A WITCH. 


lol kiddin! don't go scramming now people! =P


ok let's (seriously) start.


1.)I AM BASTOS. hahaha! (i laughed at myself after typing this!)
I'm gassy. Most especially in the morning. I think I got this from my dad.. because he is the first person to "let his gas loose" every morning. It's like, that's the signal that in about 15 mins, he'll be turning on the radio, turn it up full blast, so it's time for us to wake up too.
 I am even too tamad to take a bath pag walang pasok. i'll wait until my Mom would shout at me and say: maligo ka na! kakadiri ka!




2.) I am a major couch potato at home. i could literally sit ALL day just watching tv. 




3.) "the more you talk, the less i do." this might be one of my super nega trait. i am so stubborn you cannot persuade me to do things that i don't want to do. well the minor "things".Hehehehe. Spunds ironic right?

4.) I am a "hahahah hahahahaha bwaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha.... silence" type. I pissed off one of my elementary barkada with this attitude before. As in to the point where she talked to me in private just to ask what the hell was wrong with me. all i did was shrug my shoulders. she told me, luka luka ka ata e. i shrugged my shoulders again. then she didn't talk to me for about a week. hehe..


i would be laughing loudly (or talking non-stop) one time then just go silent. like something went wrong. i won't be giving you theories and scientific explanations regarding that, it would just make my nose bleed. even i don't know the answer. let's just say, may dumaang anghel at kinurot ako sa tagiliran dahil sa kaingayan ko. =)


5.) my nick name is criticism. a bad baaaad baaaaaaaaaaad girl indeed. (but hey, i'm on the stage of renewal! =P ) Pinaganda ko lang ang term, but the truth is, i'm one of those people that are "mapang-okray".

6.) I'm a brat.

7.) I am over-acting-ly-paranoid. when fairy godmothers gave the world PARANOID characteristic, i was probably emoting out on the streets, arms wide open, face facing the sky and eyes closed. that's why i took a whole bunch of it. i think extreme! i panic too much because of this too! hay nako, pati ako naloloka sa sarili ko when this attacks.


8.) I lack confidence. yeah, isa itong kainis inis na bagay about me.

9.) i always have something to say in an argument, that's why i always make sure i don't get into one. i don't want fights, i believe that love would always be the solution to any misunderstandings. hindi ako magpapatalo. when i know i am right, therefore i am! hehe..


you won't be hearing me talking to much when i am way too angry. expect me to be still and quiet. mahaba ang pasensya ko sa ganyan. i distract myself pag nasa word war ako. ayoko kase ng pinatatagal e. i understood your point, you also understood mine, now say sorry   :P
little would you know that my brain could be humming a song when i am faced with some word war. it's my way of calming my nerves.i would cry when i'm too much pissed. it doesn't mean that i give up though, it's just my way of releasing my emotions, but when i start to talk, expect some very loud voice and harsh words. as in VERY loud voice. 


and lastly........ teneeeeeen!


10.) i have atychiphobia. too deep? let me explain.

atychiophobia is the fear of failure. hello low self esteem, hello fear of failure!

i tend to ALWAYS go with the flow. i seek security that's why i am afraid to take the risk. ako na ang boring. ako na ang coward. i am undergoing a personal medication called, tok tok tok, think mature. i teach myself to be brave. when i grow up, i want to be King Leonidas. one day i'll shout, this is SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

 

TODAY's ONE LINER

"A drop of water breaks a stone, not 


by sheer force, but by dripping 


continuously. That’s the power of 


patience and perseverance."

Pretend to be deaf

When you don't like what other people say about you, pretend to be deaf. When you know that what they are saying will not help you in anyway, pretend to be deaf. If you know that what people around you is saying will only ruin you, pretend to be deaf.

Listen only when you know that what they are saying can help you. Listen only when you know that what they are saying will turn you into a better person. Listen only when you know that they are speaking with sense.

If you listen to everything that people say about you, you'll lose your sanity. Different people will tell you different things. People will say a lot of things about you, most of the times contradicting opinion of you. If you think what they are saying is not true, then why bother with them? Don't mind the rumors, who cares what other people say about you? You know yourself better than them.

Remember that however they describe you doesn't matter, you know what is true from what is not. Their perception of you will only be validated if you act the way they expect you to act. IF they say you're a bitch and you start acting like one, then of course, you became what they expect you to be.

But the question is, are you what they say you are?If you know you are not, then pretend to be deaf. You're better off without listening to those people. You can live without them you know.

Let it be REAL this time LORD..

Dear Lord,

I know I should not put my heart on material things. Two months ago you taught me that they can all vanish in a blink of an eye. I never forgot the lesson Lord.

But God, please let this thing be mine this time. In my heart I know I need it. I just don't know if you see it the same way Lord. I know my heart is the heart of a human---greedy and materialistic by nature. Though in my heart and in my mind I know I am making the right decision, I still need your stamp of approval.

I wish it is already mine Lord. Not just because I had always wanted to have one but because I know it could be of use to me especially when I go back.

I will be sacrificing a lot Lord. So please let this be the right decision. Seldom does my heart and my mind unite---and it never gave me a good result. Let it be right this time Lord.

Amen.

What is one bad habit of yours?

Over the past few days, I've been ultra busy. That is a no brainer, with my calculation of how many hours I use up doing certain activities, it should naturally put some weight on my shoulders. Over the past few days I have had some great conversations with friends. Both random and serious. Those conversations have yet again sparked my curiosity. Why? Because that's just how I am. From time to time I like to question some things in life. I question the systems we follow unconsciously, stereotype morals, my personality traits - flaws and all. These thoughts play with my mind and personally, I enjoy the thinking process. 

I am a strong believer that there are always two sides to the story. And never should one judge the other without knowing both sides. You may hear different sides, different opinions etc. but that alone should be enough for you to make judgement on how to see the situation. You should always try to understand, even if it a difficult process. I try, I really do. And once I feel like I do understand, its then I can make some educated decisions.

But one question pooped up that actually made me think.

What is one bad habit of yours?

When I am asked these questions, a million little things come to mind, but they aren't bad. They are pretty much common things. Its funny how we can easily pick out the bad flaws of someone else, but when it comes to us, we can only think of the little things that mean nothing. To shake thing up, and finish the question, I suggested we picked a bad habit from each other, instead of ourselves.

Hilarious Moments

One thing I take pride in, is trying to preserve awesome memories in my brain. When we enjoy something so much, its hard to get it out of our minds shortly afterward. But what of long after those moments? Its probably the reason why I blog, it's actually quite nice looking back on memories and frankly, when I'm not blogging, on facebook or chatting to friends and family online, you would probably find me looking through my photo albums both on my shelf and my laptop. I love the shots I take, they are random, all in the moment and sometimes quite scandalous if I don't say so myself. Some of the funniest memories that happened all just recently, funny enough have been with my mom. Sure we don't get along sometimes but that's what family does to you, drives you insane but keep you on your toes haha.

Uncomfortable

When was the most uncomfortable feeling you ever had?

Having cramps while sitting an exam...

Being accused of doing something really out of character, when I haven't...

Getting yelled at for numerous things at various occasions...

Crying in front of people you care for, and not being able to explain why the tears....

Looking around this messy room of mine and not knowing where to start...

IN DEMAND

“Sa pagsusulat Malaya kang ipahayag kung anong gusto mo, Malaya kang paglaruin ang imahinasyon mo, at higit sa lahat doon mo makikita ang tunay mong pagkatao. “

Isang tahimik na gabi. Kung tutuusin, nananahimik dapat sa aking kwarto at natutulog. Nilalasap ang araw ng mumunting bakasyon kuno. Pero sa tipo ng estudyante na tulad ko, hindi na yata uso ang salitang BAKASYON, LIWALIW (minsan) at PAHINGA (kapag nakanakaw ng tulog sa kama). Kung baga sa simcard, 24/7 ang serbisyo. Pero teka, bakit ko nga ba pilit sinisiksik ang sarili ko sa kahong halos hindi na ako makahinga sa sobrang sikip?

Sa totoo lang hindi ko din alam. Marahil sadyang CONTAMINATED na talaga ang dugo ko ng isang virus na hindi ko maiwasan, ang pagpasok sa mga kakaibang mundong bandang huli ay ako ang pumapasan. Kung pwede lang ang BLOOD TRANSFUSION matagal ko nang ginawa. Mahirap pero kadalasan naman masay. Ano nga bang nahihita ko sa mga bagay na ‘to? Simple lang. PAGOD, SAKIT NG ULO, PROBLEMA, PAGOD, SAKIT NG ULO, PROBLEMA, paikot-ikot lang ang siklo. Pero sa kabila ng byaheng ito, may mga magagandang tanawin naman akong nasisilayan, KAIBIGAN, PAGKILALA, PAGGALANG, at higit sa lahat BAGONG PAMILYA.



TAKE THE TURN

Lalong umiinit ang kapaligiran, maalinsangan. Sabay nito ay pilit kong tinitiktik ang aking isip sa pag-iisip ng mga bagay na maisulat para mabasa mo ngayon. Wala naman akong pinagsisisihan sa aking pinasok na mundo. Sabi nga, kahit gaano man kahirap, kung mahal mo ang ginagawa mo, ok lang, wala e, ganyan talaga. Iba na ang IN DEMAND!

Speaking of IN DEMAND, kate-text lang ng isa ko’ng kasamahan sa isang organisasyon. Naisip ko na panibagong pitas nanaman ng problema at intindihin, pero syempre, Masaya naman ako sa ginagawa ko lalo na kung para sa Kanya. Minsan nga nanaisin mo rin balikan ‘yung mga pagkakataong inihaharap sa iyo ‘yung mga bagay na minsan mong tinanguan at sabihin ang malaking “AYOKO!” ‘yun lang eh kung magagawa mo.

Kadalasan mas naiinggit pa ako sa mga estudyanteng masayang pumapasok ng eskwelahan na walang anumang iniintinding kung anu-ano mang bagay. Pagkatapos ng klase, sibat agad o kung may natitira pang oras ay nakukuha pang magsaya kasama ang barkada. Payak, simple, pero Masaya. Alam mo ‘yun? ‘yung kahit anong gawin mo walang problema. Hawak mo ang mundo mo. Walang ibang nagpapatakbo. Hindi ka nasisigawan tuwing may magagawa kang hindi nila gusto. Hindi ka kinakabahan tuwing maririnig mo ang pangalan mo’ng pinapatawag ng kung sino. Simple lang. walang halong kadramahan.

Sabi ng isang manunulat na nakilala ko, ANG TUNAY NA KULAY RAW NG MUNDO AY NAPAKA-PAYAK, SIMPLE LANG, ITIM AT PUTI. Ayon din sa kanya, kung papipiliin siya ng uri ng larawan, mas pipiliin niya ang black and white version. Mas maganda ayon sa kanya at mas may drama sa kabila ng katangian nito. Bigla akong nagulumihanan. Ito nga ba ang sapat na kulay ng buhay ng isang tao? Payak? Simple? Sa ganitong uri ban g pamumuhay mas malalasap ang tunay na ganda at esensya ng pagiging tao mo? Pero para saan na lang ang iba pang kulay na nakapaligid sayo?

Tanong. Napaka raming tanong.walang tumpak na kasagutan. Sadya nga bang dapat na lang tayo makuntento sa kung anong meron tayo? Marahil nga’t oo. Pero sa tingin ko bilang isang IN DEMAND na tao, HINDI. Napakarami kasing oportundidad sa paligid. Siguro kung patuloy tayong makukuntento sa isang payak na bagay, masasayang lamang ang lahat ng iyon.

Ito marahil ang problema ng marami sa atin ngayon, tapos nagtataka ang ilan kung bakit walang pag-unlad. Salamat, naliwanagan na ako ngayon. Siguro nga may positibo at negatibong dulot ang pagiging IN DEMAND ng isang tao. Parang sa trabaho, kapag in demand dinadagsa, pero darating ang panahon mawawala rin. Pero hindi ko sinasabing itulad natin ang ating mga sarili sa masaklap na kasidlakan ng aking halimbawa. Pilitin nating gawin ang lahat ng bagay. Ilagay ang puso sa lahat ng ating ginagawa. Kaakibat ng tagumpay ang pasakit at hirap kaya normal lang na paminsan-minsan ay makaranas tayo ng kaunting problema.

Sa totoo lang, kahit umiiyak tayo minsan dahil dito, kailangan pa rin natin ‘yun ipagpasalamat. Kasi kung wala yung mga problemang ‘yun, isang mahinang TAYO ang magiging produkto, depektibo.

Ang totoo, gulong-gulo pa rin ang isip ko. Oo nga’t naliwanagan na ako kahit papano, subalit hindi ko pa rin maaaring sabihing tama ang pananaw ko at iiwanang mali ang kabila. Parehong tama, parehong may puntos. Pero ‘di ko pa rin maikakaila na ako pa rin ang nasasakal sa kadenang ako rin ang may gawa.
Hindi ko alam kung saan lupalop nanggaling ang mga nabasa mo kanina. Pero isa lang ang sinisigurado ko, produkto ito ng nagmumukmok na damdamin ng isang IN DEMAND na tao, isang taong pilit namumuhay ng payak peor pilit din namang sinusundan at hinahabol ng ibang kulay ng mundong ito. Isang extra na piniling maging bida sa larangang alam niyang doon siya Masaya. Isang IN DEMAND na kailanman ay ‘di susukuan ang hamon ng panahon.

Isa lang pruweba ang lahat ng ito na patuloy na nag-eexist ang inyong bida.

I'M HUNGRY

But not literally. Though of course food is always a welcome sight to me, I am hungry not for it but for something much more meaningful than it.

I am hungry for a stimulating discussion. The ones that we used to have. The ones that I never fail to have when I am talking to my college friends. The ones that activates my brain cells and makes me feel like I'm really human.

I am hungry for knowledge. I feel like my brain is hibernating. I am hungry for news of the world. I feel so left out and uninformed.

I am hungry for fun, adventures and the likes. I am hungry for hugs and the sweet sound of laughter made by the people I love. I am hungry for a sweaty, adventurous activity.

My soul is starved. My brain is starved. My heart is starved. Only my stomach is full.
God, I'm hungry for life. REAL LIFE.

SOME THINGS ARE JUST SO FUNNY..

...like the way some people act when they get a position or elevated to a certain level of power.

...like the way things that were so normal for you appears weird to somebody and what is normal for them is weird for you.

...like how much you strive to be liked by somebody to the point of changing yourself without noticing that a million other people likes you the way you are.

... like how your former friends change in just a matter of a few months.

...like how you realized that never really were your friends.

...like movie reruns makes you laugh when the very same movie irritated you when it premiered before.

It's funny how you consider yourself made of gold and then allow others to treat you like trash.
It's funny to see those people who liked stepping on you before eating everything they ever said about you.
It's even funnier to see those people fighting to get your attention because you were better than they are now.

Life is full of funny moments. Funny in a strange sort of way.

TULA MULA KAY KOJAK

KAIBIGANG BERDE

Ikaw ay naguguluhan
Ikaw ay nahihirapan
Naiipit sa gitna ng
Mga batong nag-uumpugan

Batong walang pakialam
Na tuloy sa pag-uyam
At hindi napapansin
Gitna pala'y nasusuklam

Sa berde kong kaibigan
Na wala nang makapitan
Gamitin ang iyong binti
Butas ay pwedeng takasan

Ngunit kung 'di maaari
At binti'y biglang umiksi
Makinig ka lang sa uwak
Ito lang ang masasabi:

Ikaw na patalon-talon
Na sinumpa ng panahon
Hindi mo naman sinasadya
Na magpahulog sa balon

Sa bawat katanungan
Na ika'y naguguluhan
Piliin lang ang s'yang tama
Na nararapat mong sundan

Hindi masamang tumanggi
Kung mapupunta sa mali
Hindi masamang makinig
Kung ika'y mapapabuti

GAY-ness is HAPPINESS..

The world may be more tolerant now to gays and lesbians, still a large chunk of our population remains discriminating towards them. It could be the religious upbringing or the society we grew up in but all the same, we cannot ignore the fact that whatever their gender preference maybe, Gays and Lesbians are humans that we should learn to respect.

Personally, I think Gay people are intelligent and fun individuals. In a way I envy them of their superb artistic abilities, their wit and their comic tendencies. It seemed so easy for them to have fun despite what the world thinks of them.

It is nice to know, therefore, that sites such as the DarQ exist. It gives people a deeper understanding of gays and lesbians and serves as a proof that these people are no different from us. They too have their own opinions; they think like us, breathe like us, laugh, cry and fall in love just like the rest of us. DarQ contains posts that ranges from entertaining to enlightening, various topics that could make you smile and think.

MR. DESTINY

I don't believe in destiny because our choice still matters. But one day on January this year, when my world was still completely different, I know Mr. Destiny showed up and arranged everything for me to meet you in the most unexpected way. Yes, I don't believe in destiny but on that portion of my life I love to believe and be amazed. That day we shared the first laugh together and the thing that we talked with more than ten words broke our history na hindi nagpapansinan at all. I have to admit, that was the time I noticed that you weren't that dull and uninteresting creature. It was funny that I began to like you.

Ang Bagong Mundo

Muli ko nanamang gagamitin ang liwanag ng buwan at ng mga bituin upang lagi ko’ng matagpuan ang kariktan ng aking tahanan, at ang lampara ang magsisilbing pag-asa at tanglaw sa loob nito

Tahimik ang langit, animoy nakikinig sa pag-uusap ng buwan at ng dilim. Tumatanglaw sa bawat hakbangin pauwi sa bahay-pawid habang nakatingin sa kumikislap na liwanag ng mga bituwing kumukundap-kundap sa kalangitan. Tanging kausap ko’y ang pag-awit ng mga kulisap, ang pagyapos ng hangin sa mga puno, at ang ingay ng iba’t ibang nilalang sa gubat. Sa ngayon, natatanaw ko na ang lampara sa mumunting pawid na hindi man makailaw dahil sa kinalumaan subalit marami na ring naging kapakinabangan. Ang naghihikahos na kislap ay natatanaw ko, ngunit alam ko’ng malayu-layo pa ang aking babagtasin. Pinangangambahan ko’ng maglaho ang liwanag na iyon kaya’t binilisan ko ang aking mga yabag.

Malalim na ang gabi.

Narating ko na rin ang mumunting bahay-pawid mula sa isang malayong paglalakbay. Ang kaninang malabong pigura sa ginuguhit ng kalamyaan ng gabi nagyo’y isang malaking pasilyo na sa aking harapan. Matapos ko’ng latagin ang bahay ay kumain na ako at maya maya ay iniayos ang sarili. Tinitigan ko ang bahay. Marupok, makipot at mainit ang senaryo. Ang bawat sulok ay kakikitaan ng mga lamat. Bawat dingding ay tadtad ng butas. Maalikabok. Palibhasa’y lupa ang kinasasahigan ng mga paa. Nagpatuloy ako sa aking pagiging abala.

Nakatawag ng aking pansin ang kumukundap-kundap na liwanag mula sa lumang lampara. Sa tantiya ko’y tatlumpong minute na lamng ang itatagal ng apoy subalit sapat na upang matapos ko ang mga gawaing pauwi mula sa paaralan. Sa palagay ko sa ganitong gawi na rin lumabo ang aking mga mata – Malabo upang kilalanin ang gabi sa umaga. Sa kinalauna’y nilalamon ng kadiliman ang paligid at ang himig ng kailkasan ay panandaliang nagmaliw, humimlay. Natulog nang mahimbing.

Tila sandal lamang ako nalingat at umaga na. sa aking pag-aagam-agam, datapwa’t, ang litany ng kalangita’y animongbumubulong ng isang mensahe, isang babala. Humampas ang isang mapusok na hangin na kanina’y malumanay at sakdal lamyos akong kinakausap. Unti-unting lumuha ang langit na agad sinundan ng hagulgol ng mga ulap na animo’y inanyuan ng tunog ng mga trumpeta. Tumitibok ang lupa. Tumitibok pati ang aking puso sa isang estado ng biglang pagkalito, wala na ang lampara, wala na ang bahay-pawid na dati-rati’y kumakalinga ng aking pagkatao.
Sandaling nilamon ng isang nakasisilaw na liwanag ang buong sangkalupaan. Naroon pa rin ang mga hikbi na sinasabayan ng mga ugong. Sa isang iglap naglaho ang nakabibinging dagundong at pumalit ang isang nakabibinging katahimikan. Ipinikit ko’ng sandali ang aking mga mata, at sa aking pagmulat, isang imahe ang naglaho. Idinilat ko ang mga matang nangangarap at sinimulang bihisan ang bahay-pawid na nasalanta ng isang bangungot.

Magsisimula na naman ang isang panibagong araw na wala na ring kinaiba sa dati. Sisimulan ko nanamang mamuhay. Unti-unti ko nanamang bubuuin ang mga pangarap sa loob ng bahay-pawid. Muli ko nanaman gagamitin ang liwanag ng buwan at ang mga bituin upang lagi ko’ng matagpuan ang kariktan ng aking tahanan, at ang lampara ang magsisilbing pag-asa at tanglaw sa loob nito.

Bahagyang nagbigay ng malamyang tinig ang araw at ang mundong ibabaw ay nagsimula na namang maging abala..

ALL I AM ASKING FOR IS...

my freedom.

The freedom to be who I am.
The freedom to reach my full potential.
The freedom to express myself.
The freedom to explore the world.
The freedom to be with other people.
The freedom to choose silence and privacy.
The freedom to meet new people.
The freedom to wear what I feel like wearing.
The freedom to say what I feel.
The freedom to do what I want provided that it is within the law and is not hurting anybody.
The freedom to enjoy myself, my life and my youth.
The freedom to go wherever I want.
The freedom to be with whoever I want to be with.

For the sake of my sanity, let me be FREE.

Is that too much to give?

 

BUHAY NGA NAMAN

Mabuti pa ang mga bata.. Parang ang bawat araw na dumaraan sakanila ay isa lamang laro. Gaya ng piko, luksong baka, tumbang preso, pagpapalipad ng saranggola sa isang malawak na bukid o kaya’y patintero na sa bawat pagtatapos ay maaaring ulitin at balik-balikan. Sana ganun lang kadali ang buhay.. ang mabuhay.. Kasing dali ng pagbabahay sa piko, pagtalon sa taya ng luksong baka, pagtira sa lata, pagpapahaba ng pisi ng saranggola at pag-iwas sa taya ng patintero.

Ngunit alam naman natin na ‘di maaaring pigilin ang pabago-bagong panahon sa ating buhay. Ang mga batang yaon ay tatanda rin at mamumulat sa totoong takbo ng mundo. Kusa na rin silang aayaw sa mga nakasanayang laro at magiging aktibong nilalang. Pero bago sila, tayo muna. Tayo muna ang dadanas ng ibat ibang laro na ito. May kaligayahan at kasawian. Minsang pagkadapa at pagtayo.

Katulad mo ngayon, kaya ka nga nandito ngayon sa paaralan para sa pangarap mo ‘di ba? O pangarap ng magulang mo para sa’yo? Okay lang yan, nakakayanan mo pa naman, nakakapasa ka. Mas ayos ‘yan kaysa tumambay sa may kanto o dili kaya’y sumama sa ibang taong nagpapakapagod sa paghahawak ng placards at nagsisisigaw sa kalsada na ‘di mabatid kung ano ang pinaglalaban.

Misteryoso talaga ang buhay. Ang inaakala mo’ng malabong mangyari sa iyo, sa isang iglap lang maaaring mabago. Ang lumang paniniwala pwedeng matabunan ng panibago. Ang ngiti sa mga labi ay maaaring mapalitan ng lungkot. Madaling itago ang peklat ng kahapon ngunit hindi ito lubusang mawawala.

Ikaw lagi kang nakatawa at nagbibiro, parang walang prolema. Wala nga naman palang nilalang na walang nararanasang problema, hindi yata patas kung ikaw wala. Siguro magaling ka lang magdala, iba ka. ‘Yun ang akala mo napapansin ka rin namin. Na sa bawat halakhak na ‘yan nagkukubli ang isang mabigat na problema. Nahihiya ka na malaman ng kaibigan mo? Bakit nakipagkaibigan ka pa kung sasarilinin mo lang ‘yang bigat na kahit wala pang palaman ‘yan, sigurado may tutulong sa’yo para ubusin ‘yan.

Bawat problema na nararamdaman mo, subukan mo’ng ibaba at magpatulong sa iba. Pwede namang pag-hatian ang problema – parang sandwich, katumbas na kasagutan kahit gasgas na gasgas na iyang linyang iyan. Hindi ito dapat takbuhan at talikuran. Maaaring minsan ikaw ang taya at natatalo ngunit kinabukasan, makakabawi ka rin dahil ang bawat pagtatakip-silim ay may kalakip na pagbubukang liwayway at patuloy pa rin ang buhay.

PILANTIK NG AKING PANITIK

Maraming mga ideya ang sa aki'y nagsusumiksik

Sangkatutak na panaghoy ang sa utak ko'y sumisingit

Sa hilatsa ng isip imahinasyon ko'y gumuguhit

Pumilantik ang panitik sa taludturang marikit.

Sa bawat pagpilantik kapalaluan ang ikinukubli

Piling katotohanan lamang ang aking hinuhuni

Datapwa't kredibilidad ko'y hindi nabibili

Sapagkat katalinuhan ang aking haligi.

Sa sandaling matuyo ang aking isipan

Lulunurin ko ito ng inspirasyon upang hindi matapakan

Muli itong maglalakbay sa talinhaga ng buhay

Susuyuin nito ang tunay nitong pagbubulay-bulay.

Hindi man ako isang pantas ngunit ako'y isang pangahas

Sinuyod ko ang daang malubak, masikip at maputik

Kahit na mga kritiko ang saki'y pumipilansik

Muli pa rin akong magsusulat sa muling pagpilantik ng akingpanitik.