FLASH BACK

This is the time when I look back at the past year, soak in the lessons I have been lucky to participate in and thank God over and over again for blessing me with everything. I may have not enjoyed the entire 365 days I have been given, but not everything is meant to be enjoyed. There are meant to be some tears and some difficult times. Life is meant to be interesting that way and boy do I enjoy it.

I'm not going to say 'Go away!' to those who have hurt me or pushed me back for something I may have done. Because I am better than that, sure, I will dwell, but only to see whether I understand why that was the case. It saddens me more when these things happen, only because, how can you expect someone to learn from something when it hasn't really been hinted or explained? Yet you scoff at them and claim they indeed haven't learned. You obviously haven't learned either since you're still dwelling on it.

Let's move forward to something great and not sit up on a high horse. Cause in the end, no one will be laughing with you, they'll be laughing at you.

OLA 2011!

     HAPPPY NEW YEAR I ended up making some couple of promises while waiting for year 2011 to come. 

• Study hard. No, make that harder.
• Read ahead of time.
• Listen attentively. Do not pretend to be listening.
• I should not have any make-up duties.
• Participate in class discussions.
• Blog even when busy.
• STOP procrastinating.
• Bring my digicam for  the spur-of-the-moment scenes with my blockmates.
• Do what our professor assigned us to write. Right away.
• Pray more.
• STILL, gain weight.
• Sleep early.
• Spend less time in the cyber world.
• Save some money. :D

     Just thinking about what I'll be doing for four whole hours in school makes my mind sore. Like seriously. So tonight, "WE'RE GONNA PARTY LIKE, LIKE IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD. WE'RE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT'S 2012. TURN IT UP, TURN IT UP, MASH IT UP, IT AIN'T THE END OF THE WORLD!!" =)))

Christmas Gifts :)

 A cute puppy stuffed toy with a dog frame and a cool Christmas card given by my Super Friend, Jobelle Ponce

Nice dog puzzle from Daddy Kyle

 

Yellow thumbler from Tatay Jom.  Lahat kami na anak niya sa COC nakareceive ng thumbler from him. How thoughtful. I dunno the significance of its color. LOL.

 A book of my favorite author Mitch Albom from Mommy Tine. :))

This one is also from Tatay Jom, early Christmas gift.

 An inspiring daily Bible reflection from Mommy Rets.

 Cross key chain also from Tatay Jom

Bracelet given by someone

 Cross rosary given by Mommy Tine

Cellphone strap from my Baby Owek

 Another cellphone strap from Jomar

Simple planner and a wallet also given by Jomar

Shoulder bag from Ate Margeoux

Cute wallet from Marlo's Mom

SEIZE THE MOMENT.

"Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore." 

     I was afraid of taking risks because I don't like the feeling of rejection. But when I woke up this morning, I realized I missed a lot of things for I have let many opportunities pass. What if I've let go off the things that are meant to help me reach my full potential? So yeah, we should not be afraid of taking chances. Jump off the edge even if we never know if there's solid ground below. Even if there is no hand to hold or ropes to walk through. It's better to try then feel the rejection, the failure and the pain afterwards, but at least we tried. That's better than saying, "What could have been if I tried?", right?

    Taking chances is about overcoming our fears because the truth is everytime we take a big risk in our life, no matter how it ends up, we always learn from it. Life is short. We should step out of our comfort zones. Seize the moment. Take risks. Live carefree. Take responsibility of our actions.

MALABO. MAHIRAP ISPELENGIN. HINDI MO ALAM KUNG ANONG GUSTONG SABIHIN.

10 SIMPLE THINGS YOU MAY WANT TO CONSIDER

You will only know what a person really is by the way he faces criticisms hurled at him. A person who gracefully accepts criticisms and learns from it is more intelligent and worth respecting than those who never wants to hear their faults pointed out.

Fact one: You cannot mold people in your hands. You may influence them but you can never force them to fit in a molder that doesn't fit them.

Fact two: A person's behavior is influenced by his upbringing, his environment, his emotions, experiences and state of mind (and that's about less than half of all the things that could affect behavior). The way you act and react speaks a lot of the kind of breeding you have. You cannot expect a person to react the way you would react in a situation because the factors that affects you does not necessarily affect them.

Fact three: You cannot judge a person based on one incident for reasons stated above.

Fact four: Each individual deals with their problems in their own different way. Don't expect them to behave like you do.

Fact five: You cannot expect understanding and respect from people you don't try to understand and respect.

Fact six: Action speaks louder than words.

Fact seven: Its always irritating and hurtful to hear the truth but sometimes, you just haveto deal with the harshness of life.

Fact eight: It will only hurt if it hits.

Fact nine: A tiny crack can break even the strongest shield.
Fact 10: There is such a thing as GROW UP.

Journalism is never about us. It’s all about the responsibility to others, first.

 

 

GIANT CHRISTMAS TREE AT GATEWAY CUBAO

15 DAYS TO GO, IT'S CHRISTMAS! 

 Wee! My first autograph to Mr. Michael "Xiao" Chua

 I just bought this cool Planner, not for my own sake but for the sake of the students who will benefit. :))

 Nice Shot with Sir Xiao. Proud FILIPINO!

 According to him, this is the first time he sign the planner. Yea.

 Glimpse with the Planner :D

 

I call it FRIENDS

MY FRIENDS ARE COOLER THAN YOUR FRIENDS! :DD

Note: There will be more photos as soon as I revived my plug-ins. Please bear with this.

I just realized

Life becomes tougher as we grow older. Nobody really gets used to life. The moment you start thinking you had it figured out it slaps you hard in the face and turns your world upside down.

RESURRECTION

What else could it be?
I need to make an effort and resurrect this blog to the way it was---or I'll never survive the coming days.

It's been a long while since I last shared my thoughts here. To be honest, I don't even know if it matters. I don't even know if I make any sense.

There are a lot of things in my mind but I am having a hard time looking for the exact words to write. Whatever grammatical knowledge I had before is gone. Whatever I had learned in all my writing classes are gone as well.

I need to write again. I need to learn to express again.
I resurrect this blog for the sake of resurrecting whatever it was I had before.

Special thanks to Ms. Claire Duque for inspiring me lately.

INSANITY

Sometimes I get scared for no reason at all. Sometimes, I get paranoid about things and people. Sometimes I am just not myself.
Sometimes I don't even know myself and why I do what I do.

There are times when I find myself full of confidence, optimistic, brimming with ideas, ready to conquer the world. Then there are also those times when I would suddenly find myself alone in a crowd, unsure of myself, unsure of what I can do, unsure of what I know, feeling stupid, and can't find the strength to trust myself.
In times like this I find myself close to tears unconsciously held together by my foolish belief that crying will do me no good.

At least twice a week I find myself depressed and questioning a lot of things. Pathetic.
I often have to force myself to smile, to live. I often find myself shedding tears at night protected by darkness.
Sometimes, I also wake up crying.

Of course, there are also times when I don't know myself at all. I'm as happy as a bee, hyper-active, bursting with energy. Sometimes I find myself laughing at things, at a lot of things. Oftentimes I laugh with the people around me, joke with them, have fun with them. But every time I do so, I find myself asking if it was really me laughing with all those people or if I really felt happy inside. Crazy.

There are times when I feel brave and reckless and there are also times when I feel vulnerable and weak. And in whenever I find myself getting weak and fearful I force myself to pretend that I am strong and that I could defend myself from anything and everything. I have to, there is nobody else in this world who will do it.

There are times when I question the intentions of the people around. There are times when I question their integrity. There are times when I find myself suspecting that they never really treated me as a friend and that I am nothing to them. There are times when I get hurt because the people around me are taking me for granted, treating me like I don't exist at all. Outright cruelty is more preferable than silent treatments and cold shoulders.

At times I hate the people around me. At times I dread the day that I would have to leave them and never see them again. I love them and hate them at the same time.

Once I asked myself, "who among the people around me are truly my friends and who among them could say that I was ever close to them?" To tell the truth,I don't think I was ever close to anybody. I never share to them my problems, I never share the things that really bothers me or the things that really makes me happy. Trivial things that could give them a more thorough understanding of what and who I am. Trivial things that are more important than the bits and pieces I had shared with them all these years. They see in me the things I want them to see and I keep from them the most important parts of life.

Long ago I promised that I will again take the risk and welcome friendship in my life. I did take the risk but I have never really been as I was before.
I don't think I could ever share to anybody the most important parts of me because if I do so I would become too attached to them, expecting loyalty and honesty and be betrayed again.

Don't get me wrong though. I am honest to the people around me. What they see in me is still the real me--but not the 100% real me.
There was a time (sometime this summer) when I felt so down and so depressed that I wanted to cry so much. I was so down that I was prepared to cry in front of anybody---or so I thought. I came in the office and found myself unable to express my feelings to the people who cares. I wanted to cry so much but my mind unconsciously suppressed my feelings again.

For the many years that I had been with these people I was so dismayed with myself to know that I still can't find the strength to share my life to them. I am so dismayed that I still can't find the courage to cry on the shoulders of people who could give me the comfort I was longing for and instead I still find myself preferring to wallow in pain, all alone and in silence.

Sometime ago I posted this in my blog, "sometimes it is easier to spill your hearts to strangers than to people you have known all your life." And I still find it true until now...and sometimes, it is even easier to tell strangers than telling your self.


--
Don't blame me for things I cannot control. I am human, just like you.

My reflection is not me

I refuse to submit to my weaknesses. I refuse to be weighed down by the things I cannot do. I refuse to be weak.

But I wonder, if I refuse to accept my weakness does that make me strong? Or is the refusal to accept these weaknesses a weakness too?

When I look in the mirror, I see a girl restrained by the things she cannot do. I see a girl whose cowering in the dark, refusing to accept the things dealt to her by fate. I see a girl whose trying hard enough to prove to the world that she's strong even when inside her she's crumbling and weak.

I refuse to accept that the girl I see in the mirror is me. We may look the same but I refuse to accept her weaknesses. I will not be weighed down by it. My weaknesses will be my strength. I will not be alone like her. I will not stand alone all my life. Her petty emotions will not hamper me.

I will not be her. I refuse to be her. She may be my reflection, but I am my own person.

I've been away for a week.
I've been sick for a week. But now I'm okay. I think.
Just barking a little but not as bad as before.