GIVE IT UP!

Ever had that feeling when you feel so comfortable with where you are in life you kind of stop growing? Well, this is where I am now.
It sucks to know that I have sort of become dependent on an identity crutch of sorts and fail to see my life beyond that. I have fallen for the hipness of the student lifestyle even though I am not living it to the full extent I should be, just the idea thereof has me quite mesmerized.
When I started university, I thought I would just go with the flow of things and get involved and participate in wonderful artistic things around me. Most people around me had completely different interests, and more so were non-adventurous and stagnant, unless you count the weekly clubbing trips as novel and adventurous.

I am determined to get the most out of my life right now, the student life, yet somehow I feel it will hold me back from really facing the future one day.
But I know why I have been holding on to this world so dearly. It is, honestly, my only sanctuary. Academics have always been the thing I obsessed about just to hide from the emotional scars that my parents would inflict on me.
It’s been only one day since I finished exams. I was happy yesterday, being tipsy with all my classmates not all of whom I am totally familiar with in a big sketchy house downtown. It felt real and natural, and I felt a sense of unity with everyone there, something I have seldom felt about my family. I have had only a half an hour conversation with my two respective parents, and I already feel emotionally drained and I would really rather be writing more exams.
Despite what may come through with this, I am utterly optimistic and rational at the same time about where I want to be in life and who I want to be with. It bothers me when smart people such as my mom bring themselves down.

I can see myself, in another 10 years or so, becoming one of those career-obsessed women, but to me that is sort of a pretty awesome place to be at, knowing that I wouldn’t have to stop being progressive in my personality and thoughts. I have had enough stasis in my life as a mere 17 year old.

I sort of sometimes feel that I am at one of the worse situations in life one can be at. I am broke, with few close friendships, a craptacular family dynamic, no boyfriend. The list go on much further. However, in the last year, I have learned to be grateful for what I have and love myself nonetheless. At harsh times like this I am glad this is the way I am. It can only really get better.
In the last week, things have looked up for me.
This weekend, I am moving into a house full of random people I have never met, which I am quite excited about.


In conclusion to this academic year (HIGH SCHOOL), I have learned a few important things or have had reaffirmations about certain things in general.
1. You are responsible for your own happiness.

2. Be nice to everyone around you, but know that nobody is as awesome to have a billion best friends. Stick with those who know and appreciate you best, but don’t get tied down to that circle of friends.
3. Do random crap that put you out of your comfort zone, but be safe.
4. Start conversations with people. It makes you seem almost human.
5. Dress well! It goes a longer way than one would expect.
6. Don’t lie to yourself, it only complicates things further.
7. Live organically and naturalistically rather than a machine programmed to complete tasks.
8. Make use of free will. Nobody can ever make you do anything.
9. Take opportunities to express yourself with art.
10. No matter how crappy things get, life goes on, for better or worse, but usually better.